wasting time and wasted time

(photo: Madrid, 1933--Cartier Bresson)

"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time" Bertrand Russell

What a great thought for the day. The w/e. Life.

Lyre Bird - David Attenborough

can you believe this creature? voted the best of the best... watch the clip to see how clever he is

Maltesers

(CAUTION: Maltesers are NOT malted milk balls. They are Maltesers plain and simple. The one bears NO RESEMBLENCE to the other. Whatsoever. At all. EVER. Ask any Brit.)

Malteser: a cross-section.


Here are herds of delicious Maltesers arriving at the factory to be put into their Family Pack Gift Trays.


Here is an individual malteser package (empty, needless to say). Multiply this by about 15 and you'd probably have the Family Size Maltesers Gift Tray I have been known to gobble up in one sitting:


The recipe is a big secret. And people in England have all kinds of intricate theories about how a malteser is made. For instance, here's a few of them from The Guardian, London.

If you don't want to be addicted to them, DO NOT TRY THEM. Or, if you can't help yourself, there may be nothing for it but to do what I did: flee the country. Just leave the Land of Crunchies (more about them later) and Maltesers and go some place else entirely, some place far, far away where they've never heard of a malteser before and don't know what on earth you're talking about and think you must just mean malted milk balls (which of course you don't--or shouldn't).

This concludes part 2 of our Chocolate Series. In part 3 we will explore the Land of Crunchies. But before we go... a word to the wise.

Do NOT let Malted Milk Balls fool you. They are not as nice as they may appear--and certainly not nearly as nice as they ought to be. Do not let yourself be deceived by them for one instant. Do not let yourself be hoodwinked, bamboozled, duped, swindled, double-crossed, or led up the garden path by them, the naughty interlopers. Why settle for second best? When you could have The Real Thing--an actual, real life, true malteser? No. It's really all quite simple.

Just say no.

fine ENGLISH chocolate

ATTENTION: these are NOT M&Ms. They are SMARTIES. It's a crucial distinction.

(Apologies to any Brits reading. You, of course, already know this full well, having grown up on Smarties and don't need anyone to tell you, least of all me.)

It's not really possible here to explain just what makes Smarties so different (some might even go so far as to say "better") than M&Ms. I recommend you just get hold of a packet (or box or tube) of Smarties instantly without further ado. And sample these Fine British Smarties for yourself (CAUTION: accept no imitations--make sure they're really Smarties and really British) and I think you'll see what I mean. (The best place to find them in the States are either in British shops or in Blighty herself--smuggling them back in your suitcase by the bunch-fulls apparently, as some people I know do, so I'm told, I gather, as far as I can tell)

Here's a very sensible article all about this very thing (it's what I've been telling my friends for years to no avail)--all about how Fine British Chocolate really is (from the New York Times no less, so it must be true): click here

Before you go, though, here's some other Fine Lovely British Chocolates.

This concludes Part 1 in my "Chocolate Series." Stay tuned for Part 2 where I will dedicate an entire blog to Maltesers (not pictured above and my own personal favorite) because they merit it, so much mystery surrounds them, and such terrible confusion exists in the States about exactly what they are. All you need to hold on to right now, and most important of all, is this: they are NOT, under any circumstances come what may EVER, Malted Milk Balls (anymore than Smarties are M&Ms). It would be wise not to forget this.

Moo Moo and Ya Ya

THIS JUST IN FROM OUR INTREPID CORRESPONDENT IN LONDON, SAM THE TIGER (caught below--unusually without Tiger Disguise):

Moo Moo and Ya Ya have been spotted over the Atlantic Ocean and are believed to be winging their way to New York City even as we speak. They are wearing their famous Helicopter Hats (as seen above in S-T-T's brilliant rendering). What they plan to do when they arrive is anyone's guess. But you may be sure, whatever it is, it's very naughty indeed.

But we can sleep easily knowing that S-T-T will be the first to report it whatever it. Stay tuned. And thanks S-T-T for this tremendous scoop! (For those unfamiliar with Moo Moo and Ya Ya, they appear in embryo in the final credits of Handbag Friends.)

Let's Sing The Handbag Song!

isn't it time?

yes, of course it is

(it's always time
because you just never know when
a not altogether friendly
very large
purple
handbag might be in the vicinity
lurking)

QUICK! Let's help those poor Handbag Friends and do what Harry says and sing! (dancing's allowed, too--but not so much running away and screaming).

first peas

here's poor Mr Griffin being fed his very first peas.

(CAUTION: this is a tale of bitter betrayal and dark parental badness and may be distressing for some viewers. Parental Guidance is advised.)

Here he is, first of all. Griffin. The innocent, trusting, beauteous child, look at him smiling up at us ...

How could he have known? How could he possibly have know?
How could he have had any idea what was at that very moment being prepared for him in the kitchen? What evil noxious poisons were being hatched by his own mother? And at that very moment, barreling down towards him?

... Only to have it thrust into his waiting mouth... a wicked GREEN (green I tell you!) foodstuff the like of which i have never in all my life tasted and never hope to taste ever after

maybe I can just hold them in here and then blow them out when they're not looking. or dribble them all out slowly from of the corners of my mouth

... horrid YUCK ick! why is my mother feeding me these. they're green. and i didn't ask for them. or expect them. or even know what they are. and i don't like them.

The question we at the FBAP (Friends of Babies Against Peas) are asking is: what did Griffin ever do to merit such cruel and unsual punishment? And wouldn't apple sauce have been more considerate?

Jago's illustrations

Here are some of my most favorite Jago illustrations from The Jesus Storybook Bible.

Check out more @ Jago's super cool portfolio.