Continuing our Fine British Chocolate Series, today we turn our attention to The Mars Bar.
Some Important Mars Bars Facts you may unaware of:—In Scotland they deep fry Mars bars
—It's best to squeeze Mars Bars to ensure freshness (they should be a bit squishable)
—It's not "An apple a day keeps the doctor away"; it's really, "A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play". (Remember this. It could be important.)
—The singular of Mars Bars isn't A Mar Bar (when I was 2, I did not know this)
—The full name of a Mars Bar is not a Martian Bar (but why not?)
But perhaps the most
crucially important fact is:
Not all Mars Bars are really Mars Bars.
yes, they may say they are Mars Bars.
yes, you may believe them to be Mars Bars.
They may even have Mars Bars written all over their wrappers.
Do not fall for it.
Some are Impostors.
Who are these Impostors? you cry. Hint: American in origin.
Don't believe me? There exists, in a secret location, a highly scientific MARS BAR PROJECT that, with cross-sections, complex diagrams and clever facts, proves it. Find out
more. But to prove it once and for all you just have to eat one (a proper British one).
Don't know how to recognize the
real thing (i.e. you're not British)?
There follows a brief introduction to The True Mars Bar:
First, we observe the true, original Mars Bar in all its British glory (see how it shines?):
We see the Mars Bar unwrapped (look how delicious!):
We see the Mars Bar half eaten (and so gungey!):
And finally, we behold the empty wrapper:
Pay close attention the next time you spy a Mars Bar in a US store. Ask yourself: does he look exactly the same? what about his wrapper? But be warned: once you taste the real thing there is no going back.
Every child has known God,
